“You Could Take My Heart Away Tonight” really goes nowhere for a really long time. Or at least it feels like a long time as you listen to the song.

The biggest problem for Silver Condor is that they sound like at least 100 other Los Angeles bands who garnered a little airplay between 1975 and 1985.

Is Silver Condor the guys from Player (“Baby Come Back”) or the guys from Pablo Cruise (“Whatcha Gonna Do”)?

Is this an unreleased song from a Hall and Oates album with some other guy on lead vocals?

No one really knew. Worse, no one really cared.

“You Could Take My Heart Away Tonight” by Silver Condor was memorable enough to reach number 32 on the Billboard Top 40 in 1981 and transform Silver Condor into one-hit wonders.

Listen to You Could Take My Heart Away Tonight by Silver Condor

That success was enough to secure a second album that didn’t include any hits but did feature Steve Plunkett on guitar who would later move on to Los Angeles band Autograph and their breakout hit “Turn Up the Radio” that reached number 29 in 1985.

Read more about: “Turn Up the Radio” by Autograph

“You Could Take My Heart Away Tonight” is a forgotten one-hit wonder.

It’s a love song that doesn’t really connect.

It’s a packet of sugar with a sweet taste that leaves no lasting impression.

It’s “You Could Take My Heart Away Tonight” by Silver Condor.

Buy You Could Take My Heart Away Tonight by Silver Condor

Supergroups always seem like a good idea at the time, but most end up being a waste of time. However, few supergroups were launched with so much fanfare only to fall as flat on their faces as The Firm.

Seldom had there been a bigger waste of time, vinyl and talent than when Jimmy Page and Paul Rodgers teamed up as The Firm: Imagine the world’s surprise when what emerged was dull, uninspired blues-based rock that was about as exciting as a hospital gown.

Ex-members of Free, Bad Company, The Yardbirds and Led Zeppelin got together for this? Remember, Free gave the radio waves their one hit, the rockin’ “All Right Now.” A much better song than anything from The Firm’s debut album.

The Firm’s only Top 40 hit emerged from their debut–the laughable “Radioactive.” Propelled by sloppy acoustic guitar, plodding, sleepy drums, dreary vocals and synthesized hand claps that sounded like one of those newfangled compact disc players getting stuck (in 1985, the CD was just beginning to take off), “Radioactive” peaked at number 28 on the Billboard Top 40, which qualifies the Firm as a one-hit wonder even though Page and Rodgers had numerous Top 40 hits with their earlier bands.

We’re adding it to our list of the worst one-hit wonders ever. Not because it’s the worst song but because it’s an example of great talent completely squandered on a completely forgettable song.

Listen: Worst one-hit wonders

Listen to “Radioactive” by The Firm

After their second album, The Firm broke up, leaving a lot of people scratching their heads in utter bemusement. Oh well, it seemed like a good idea at the time.

Trivia note: Just after the Rodgers/Page Firm broke up, another group called The Firm had a huge British hit with a novelty song called “Star Trekkin’.” “Star Trekkin’” never hit the Billboard Hot 100 but was for many, many years a fixture on “The Dr. Demento Show,” always showing up in his “Funny Five” countdown. It’s a measure of how bad the Rodgers/Page Firm was that the other Firm who sang about the Starship Enterprise had actually recorded a more enduring song! Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got Klingons on the starboard bow, starboard bow again.

Listen to Star Trekkin’ by The Firm

Buy “Radioactive” by The Firm

But in 1978, a new heavy metal band from nearby Pasadena fired the first warning shot across the bow of LA-area mellow rock; Van Halen’s debut album, featuring Eddie Van Halen’s fiery guitar licks and David Lee Roth’s howls punctuated by a blistering mix by Ted Templeman, quickly turned the heads of metal fans everywhere, snapping back to reality a following that was drifting.

Even as The Knack (“My Sharona”) were trying to become the new Beatles (yeah, right), within a few years, dozens of new heavy metal bands had formed in Los Angeles or relocated there from elsewhere.

Many of these groups, influenced by Kiss, David Bowie and a new cable channel called MTV, used (and often overused) make-up and hair-styling mousse, thus the music made by them was dubbed “hair metal,” often in a derogatory way (one LA band called Metallica supposedly fled to the Bay Area to escape being buried by all the styling mousse).

In the 1980s, Quiet Riot, Poison, Motley Crue, Warrant, Ratt (wondering why these guys aren’t on toponehitwonders.com? “Lay it Down” was their second Top 40 hit, just squeaking in at Number 40 for one week, thus Ratt escape One-Hit Wonder status by that narrowest of possible margins), Faster Pussycat and many others had Top 40 hits; all culminating with Guns n’ Roses. (Others such as Dokken never hit the Top 40 but sold lots of albums.)

One of the forgotten “hair bands” of the era is Autograph. Relatively little is known or remembered about this one-hit wonder; even Martin Popoff didn’t write about them in his Collector’s Guide to Heavy Metal books. But there is a one-hit wonder connection between Autograph and 1981 one-hit wonders, Silver Condor. Autograph’s front man and lead singer was the rhythm guitarist of Silver Condor for their second album.

Yet again we connect the dots between two seemingly disconnected and unrelated bands.

Connecting the dots further between LA-based metal bands and this one-hit wonder, Autograph opened a number of shows for Van Halen in the mid-1980s–before Autograph’s big hit happened.

“Turn Up the Radio” was a great song, peaking at Number 29; however it was Autograph’s only song to turn up in the Top 40 and all too soon, nobody was asking the members of Autograph for their autographs.

Listen to Turn Up the Radio by Autograph

But that one big hit ended up helping Autograph sell more than 1 million copies of their debut album, Sign in Please, and Autograph lead guitarist Steve Lynch’s two-handed, fretboard tapping solo was recognized by Guitar Player Magazine as “Guitar Solo of the Year.”

And still one more connection for you: “Turn Up the Radio” appeared in an episode of Miami Vice. Savvy one-hit wonder aficionados recognize the “Miami Vice Theme” by Jan Hammer as an instrumental one-hit wonder from 1985.

“Turn Up the Radio” is a largely forgotten of the 1980s pop-metal era. But thanks to Dee Snider, the song still finds its way onto the radio once in a while, turned up nice and loud, of course.

Listen: More heavy metal one-hit wonders

Buy Turn Up the Radio by Autograph

Signed to Casablanca Records, Angel’s early albums sounded like a cross between Deep Purple and Yes, but when those more progressive albums didn’t sell, by 1977, they changed their sound to a poppy, “lite metal” vibe that was about ten years ahead of its time. If Angel isn’t where Bon Jovi got half their sonic ideas, it should’ve been.

Casablanca hyped the new-sound Angel as a “safer” counterpart to label-mates Kiss, but apparently the public preferred the guys with the wilder makeup and louder guitars, and lo and behold, Angel’s more commercial, radio-friendly albums were also poor sellers.

But Angel did leave a couple of marks: A Frank Zappa song called “Punky’s Whips” was inspired by guitarist Edwin “Punky” Meadows. And Angel’s concerts were elaborate affairs, with the band beginning their shows by emerging from giant “pods” on the stage. These pods didn’t always work right and sometimes one would get stuck, trapping the poor man inside until the roadies could free him. The cult movie This is Spinal Tap brought back these very same pods for the scene in which one member of Spinal Tap gets stuck inside while his bandmates play an entire show without him.

True story.

Angel never hit the Top 40 and by 1980 had lost their wings. In 1984, keyboardist Gregg Giuffria teamed up with Quiet Riot bassist Chuck Wright to form his own self-named band. Unlike Angel, Giuffria did hit the Top 40–once anyway, with “Call to Your Heart,” a power ballad that many people probably assumed was another song by Journey.

“Call to Your Heart” peaked at number 15 on the Billboard Top 40 in 1984, but it was Giuffria’s only Top 40 hit. Perhaps an easier to pronounce band name with more pizazz might have kept Giuffria from becoming a one-hit wonder. Or maybe just more and better songs.

Listen to Call to Your Heart by Giuffria

Buy Call to Your Heart by Giuffria

This year’s entry, “World Go Boom” is equally impressive. Once again he has taken Billboard Magazine’s top 25 songs of 2011 and squished them into another delicious mashup. Here is a the complete list of songs in the 2011 DJ Earworm mashup.

• Adele – Rolling In The Deep
• Adele – Someone Like You
• Black Eyed Peas – Just Can’t Get Enough
• Bruno Mars – Grenade
• Bruno Mars – The Lazy Song
• Britney Spears – Till The World Ends
• Cee Lo Green – F* You
• Enrique Iglesias – Tonight (I’m Lovin’ You)
• Foster the People – Pumped Up Kicks
• Jennifer Lopez – On The Floor
• Jeremih feat. 50 cent – Down On Me
• Katy Perry – Firework
• Katy Perry – E.T.
• Katy Perry – Last Friday Night (T.G.I.F.)
• Lady Gaga – Born This Way
• LMFAO – Party Rock Anthem
• LMFAO – Sexy and I Know It
• Lupe Fiasco – The Show Goes On
• Maroon 5 – Moves Like Jagger
• Nicki Minaj – Super Bass
• OneRepublic – Good Life
• Pink – Raise Your Glass
• Pitbull – Give Me Everything
• Rihanna – S&M
• Rihanna – We Found Love

Listen to United State of Pop 2011 (World Go Boom) by DJ Earworm

Read: United State of Pop 2009 (Blame It On the Pop) by DJ Earworm

Their debut LP Under the Blade was initally released only in Europe (a remixed version showed up in this country after Stay Hungry became a big seller). Looking like a (New York D)olled-up version of Motley Crue, the flamboyant Twisted Sister with their loudmouth singer (Dee Snider) would, in 1984, briefly become so popular that for a while, like Elvis Presley or say, Alice Cooper, they engendered much fear and loathing among parents afraid their innocent little darlings would be corrupted by the big bad rock musicians. They need not have worried: By 1986, Twisted Sister had become a joke, a self-parody and everybody soon lost interest.

From that huge-selling Stay Hungry album, Twisted Sister’s only Top 40 hit was “We’re Not Gonna Take It,” which hit Number 21 on the Billboard Top 40 in 1984. That made Twisted Sister heavy metal one-hit wonders.

Listen to We’re Not Gonna Take It by Twisted Sister

Watch the official Twisted Sister video for We’re Not Gonna Take It on YouTube

Although they were a one-hit wonder in the eyes of the Hot 100, another cut from Stay Hungry, “I Wanna Rock,” missed the Top 40 but was probably their most famous song and years later would entangle Twisted Sister in another controversy: Atlanta Braves relief pitcher John Rocker would enter the game with “I Wanna Rock” blaring from the stadium loudspeakers, but after he made some controversial remarks to Sports Illustrated, Rocker became one in a long line of celebrities and sports stars (latest: Hank Williams, Jr.) to learn the hard way that microphones are treacherous and should be treated with respect, like handguns or chainsaws. Anyway, Twisted Sister no longer let John Rocker use “I Wanna Rock” after that debacle and he was never the same pitcher.

After Twisted Sister broke up in the late 1980s, Dee Snider formed the short-lived Widowmaker. Since then, Twisted Sister have reappeared from time to time.

Dee Snider is also the host of the syndicated radio program “House of Hair,” which specializes in old-school metal from the halcyon days, primarily the late 1970s to around 1992. Recently Snider played Twisted Sister’s version of “O Come All Ye Faithful.” Yes, the bad boys of metal played a holiday classic. Perhaps they weren’t so scary after all.

Listen: More heavy metal one-hit wonders

Buy We’re Not Gonna Take It by Twisted Sister

Like Rainbow, Whitesnake inherited the instability gene from its Deep Purple parent and through the years, a veritable Who’s Who of hard rock and heavy metal played in the group at one time or another. Trying to unsnarl who all played in Whitesnake and when is way beyond the scope of Top One-Hit Wonders but you can get the whole, amazing scoop from Wikipedia here.

But at the time their Whitesnake album was released in 1987, the group had added Dutch guitarist Adrian Vandenberg to the line-up and would soon even recruit Vivian Campbell from Dio (who also later became a member of Def Lepard). Whitesnake the album was a monster seller and it spawned two giant hits (“Here I Go Again” and “Is This Love”); a third song (the album’s first single “In the Still of the Night”) performed poorly on the Hot 100 but became a staple on album-rock radio. Think of “In the Still of the Night” as a poor-man’s attempt at an epic Led Zeppelin opus.

But back to Adrian Vandenberg.

Before his (temporary) stint with Whitesnake, he had his own band in the Netherlands called Vandenberg. In 1983, they released their eponymous (federal law dictates rock music critics have to use that word at least once in every review) debut album, which perhaps because of the band-name similarity to Van Halen sold a respectable number of copies (it’s actually a good album on its own merits) and even generated a Top 40 hit.

A power ballad with some nice little drum fluorishes, “Burning Heart” didn’t exactly burn up the Top 40; it peaked at Number 39 in 1983 and was on the survey for but two weeks, but that’s enough to qualify Vandenberg (the band) as a one-hit wonder.

That also qualifies Vandenberg as a Dutch one-hit wonder

Listen: Best Dutch One-Hit Wonders

Read more about Deep Purple in “Stone Cold” by Rainbow.

Listen to Burning Heart by Vandenberg

Buy Burning Heart by Vandenberg

During the Thanksgiving weekend of 2011, SiriusXM’s 80s on 8 station played their Top 40 “Turkeys” of the 1980s. Alan Hunter, Mark Goodman, Nina Blackwood and everyone’s favorite VJ, Martha Quinn, counted down the hits, which they never really defined as the “worst” of the 1980s but they definitely didn’t consider these songs the “best” of the 1980s either. So they called them “Turkeys” in honor of Thanksgiving. As Nigel Tufnel from Spinal Tap once said in the 1980s cult classic This is Spinal Tap, “There’s a fine line between stupid and clever.”

SiriusXM 80s on 8, this is a mostly stupid list with a really stupid title. But it pulled in listeners and was great background for a four-hour roadtrip so I thank you for your time and efforts. I was quite pleased to note that I had written about virtually every one of these one-hit wonders long before this list was created. Perhaps that means I have a great ear for really bad songs. Or maybe these really bad songs are really that awesome. You be the judge since many of the one-hit wonders on this list are accompanied by links to more details about the songs. So click away and enjoy the countdown and share your opinions: are these really the biggest turkeys of the 1980s?

Now, on with the countdown.

Sirius XM 80s on 8 Top 40 Turkeys of the 1980s

Note: All songs in italics are legitimate one-hit wonders by artists who only reached the Billboard Top 40 one time in their career.

40. Total Coelo – I Eat Cannibals (one-hit wonder but did not reach Billboard Top 40)
39. Skid Row – 18 & Life
38. Men Without Hats – Pop Goes The World (Men Without Hats is a two-hit wonder; their other hit is “The Safety Dance”)
37. Bob & Doug Mckenzie – Take Off
36. Starship – We Built This City
35. A Flock Of Seagulls – I Ran
34. Bertie Higgins – Key Largo
33. Paul Hardcastle – 19
32. Rebbie Jackson – Centipede
31. Vapors – Turning Japanese
30. Rick Astley – Never Gonna Give You Up
29. Air Supply – Making Love Out Of Nothing At All
28. Olivia Newton-John – Xanadu
27. Frank & Moon Zappa – Valley Girl
26. Frankie Smith – Double Dutch Bus
25. Diesel – Sausalito Summernight
24. Eddie Murphy – Party All The Time (Eddie Murphy is a two-hit wonder)
23. Bangles – Walk Like An Egyptian
22. Poison – Talk Dirty To Me
21. Murray Head – One Night In Bangkok (Murray Head is a two-hit wonder)
20. Oak Ridge Boys – Elvira
19. Lindsey Buckingham – Holiday Road
18. Bow Wow Wow – I Want Candy
17. Buckner & Garcia – Pac Man Fever
16. Oran Juice Jones – The Rain
15. Bobby Mcferrin – Don’t Worry, Be Happy
14. Toni Basil – Mickey
13. Boy’s Don’t Cry – I Wanna Be A Cowboy
12. Charlene – I’ve Never Been To Me
11. Ray Parker Jr. – Ghostbusters
10. Kenny Rogers & Dolly Parton – Islands In The Stream
9. Milli Vanilli – Blame It On The Rain
8. Chicago Bears – Superbowl Shuffle
7. Europe – The Final Countdown
6. Pseudo Echo – Funkytown
5. Andy Taylor – Take It Easy
4. Baltimora – Tarzan Boy
3. Paul McCartney – Ebony And Ivory
2. Great White – Once Bitten, Twice Shy
1. Taco, “Puttin On The Ritz

Editors note: Here is Jim Barton’s take on “New World Man” by Rush. You can also read Michael Waterman’s thoughts on the one song that made Rush a one-hit wonder.

Featuring three of the most amazing musicians ever to walk the planet, Rush have been a fixture on the album chart and concert stage for more than 35 years, selling millions and millions of albums and tickets. Their specialty is highly intellectual lyrics set to complicated music, with many of their songs in the six-minute-and-longer range.

Needless to say, Rush songs are not exactly suited to Top 40 radio, and in their long tenure, they’ve had only one Top 40 hit; the members of Rush themselves were probably surprised they managed even the one. But as one-hit wonders go, Rush are probably the most enduring artist ever to wear that label. For instance, though the band formed in 1968, they are still playing in sold-out arenas in 2011 and beyond. Personally, I saw them for the third time in June of 2011 when they played a show in Phoenix, and once more, they put on a hell of a show. I also saw them in 2004 and 2007.

With a reggae beat played by drummer Neil Peart, a throbbing synthesizer and chiming, Police-like guitar licks, “New World Man” really could pass for an outtake from Ghost in the Machine or Zenyatta Mondatta by The Police.

Listen to New World Man by Rush

“New World Man” from Signals peaked at Number 21 in 1982; thanks to one of those funny spins of the cosmic roulette wheel, the song spent exactly 12 weeks on the Hot 100. Some die-hard Rush fans reading this might even find deep, significant meaning in this odd statistic–perhaps a secret message from the “Solar Federation” themselves?

Aside from playing drums and composing lyrics for Rush, Neil Peart is also a marvelous writer who has written four books: Ghost Rider, Travelin’ Music, Roadshow: Landscape With Drums and Far and Away. If you like reading about rock music but don’t like the typical “rock star biographies” that concentrate on how many girls they slept with, or if you are a “road geek” whose idea of a fine time is just getting in the car and chasing highways and telephone poles, one or more of these books might be for you.

Read: Michael Waterman’s take on New World Man by Rush

Buy New World Man by Rush

Q: There were 10 copycats sitting on a fence, and one jumped off. How many were left?

A: None. They were all copycats.

That basic joke leads us to this very marginal entry in our look at heavy metal one-hit wonders, but “Fantasy” by Aldo Nova deserves a quick mention because the first time I heard it in 1982, my jaw dropped to the floor: It was such a blatant ripoff of the guitar-and-piano lick from Jefferson Starship’s “Jane” (albeit juiced up ever-so-slightly) that to this day, I’m still surprised there were never any apparent legal ramifications from it.

A real nova is a stellar thermonuclear explosion, less violent than a supernova but still visible from hundreds of light years away, where it can appear from out of nowhere as a “new star” that soon fades away.

Aldo Nova came out of nowhere with “Fantasy,” blindsiding the Top 40 and peaking at Number 23 with this, his only Top 40 hit.

Listen to Fantasy by Aldo Nova

His debut album (chock full of “Fantasy”-clones) was a surprise huge seller, reaching the Top 10 on the album chart without batting an eyelash. Continued success turned out to be a, er, fantasy and Aldo Nova disappeared as quickly as he showed up.

Hear: More rock one-hit wonders

Yet Nova wasn’t finished completely as an artist since he ended up working with Bon Jovi and Celine Dion as a songwriter and wrote the best-selling single of 2003, “This is the Night” by American Idol runner-up, Clay Aiken. For many songwriters, that’s a dream come true. Or at least a fantasy fulfilled.

As for Nova’s song, “Fantasy,” it’s largely forgotten today, but that Jefferson Starship song still gets lots of radio play. I guess this proves that copycats seldom last. But Aldo Nova, we still salute you as a classic Canadian one-hit wonder.

Hear: More Canadian one-hit wonders

Buy Fantasy by Aldo Nova

I love ’80s music. Always have, always will.

The big hair. The neon outfits and new romantics. The synthpop songs and the hair-band ballads. The disposable pop song mixed with the lasting anthem. Some of it so bad it’s good. Some of it so good, it’s, well, awesome, dude!

VH1 counted down the 100 Greatest One-Hit Wonders of the 1980s in March 2009. This is their list, not mine. In fact, many of the songs on this list qualify as two- and three-hit wonders (A-Ha and General Public are two-hit wonders; A Flock of Seagulls is a three-hit wonder). Other bands on this list (Nik Kershaw, Tommy Tutone, Modern English and many others) never even charted on the Billboard Top 40 yet have long-lasting radio hits.

Editor’s note: Tommy Tutone’s “867-5309″ reached #4 on the Billboard Top 40 in 1982. Thanks for the clarification UBFunkaneer.

The criteria of Top One-Hit Wonders is that an artist reaches the Billboard Top 40 one time in their career.

Read: What’s a one-hit wonder?

But let’s not get too technical here. Whether you love or hate these “one-hit wonders,” every one of these songs is memorable. And at some point in your life, possibly magical.

So enjoy VH1′s list of the 100 greatest one-hit wonders of the ’80s and click any of  the linked songs to hear these 1980s classics and read about these one-hit wonders.

You may also enjoy VH1′s 40 Greatest One-Hit Wonders of the ’90s

Watch Judah Friedlander Introduce VH1′s 100 Greatest One-Hit Wonders of the 1980s

100 Greatest One-Hit Wonders of the 1980s

100. Clarence Clemons (and Jackson Browne) – “You’re A Friend Of Mine”
99. Michael Damian – “Rock On”
98. Buckner & Garcia – “Pac-Man Fever”
97. Will To Power – “Baby I Love Your Way / Freebird”
96. The Fabulous Thunderbirds – “Tuff Enuff”
95. Midnight Oil – “Beds are Burning”
94. Club Nouveau – “Lean On Me”
93. L.A. Guns – “The Ballad of Jayne”
92. Frank Stallone – “Far From Over”
91. Gloria Loring & Carl Anderson – “Friends And Lovers”
90. Haircut 100 – “Love Plus One”
89. Rodney Dangerfield – “Rappin’ Rodney”
88. Nik Kershaw – “Wouldn’t it Be Good”
87. Vixen – “Edge Of A Broken Heart”
86. Patrice Rushen – “Forget Me Nots”
85. Ziggy Marley And The Melody Makers – “Tomorrow People”
84. The Church – “Under The Milky Way”
83. Paul Lekakis – “Boom Boom Boom Let’s Go Back to My Room”
82. Red Rider – “Lunatic Fringe”
81. Josie Cotton – “Johnny Are You Queer?”
80. Eddie Murphy – “Party All The Time”
79. Alannah Myles – “Black Velvet”
78. Aldo Nova – “Fantasy”
77. General Public – “Tenderness”
76. J.J. Fad – “Supersonic”
75. Bertie Higgins – “Key Largo”
74. Information Society – “What’s On Your Mind (Pure Energy)”
73. Paul Hardcastle – “19″
72. Swing Out Sister – “Breakout”
71. Jack Wagner – “All I Need”
70. Harold Faltermeyer – “Axel F”
69. T’Pau – “Heart And Soul”
68. Peter Schilling – “Major Tom”
67. Martika – “Toy Soldiers”
66. The Jeff Healey Band – “Angel Eyes”
65. Boomtown Rats – “I Don’t Like Mondays”
64. Robbie Dupree – “Steal Away”
63. Oran “Juice” Jones – “The Rain”
62. XTC – “Dear God”
61. E.U. – “Da Butt”
60. Nu Shooz – “I Can’t Wait”
59. The Outfield – “Your Love”
58. Don Johnson – “Heartbeat
57. Jermaine Stewart – “We Don’t Have to Take Our Clothes Off”
56. Til Tuesday – “Voices Carry”
55. Johnny Kemp – “Just Got Paid”
54. Chris DeBurgh – “Lady in Red”
53. Taco – “Puttin’ On the Ritz”
52. Mary Jane Girls – “In My House”
51. After the Fire – “Der Kommissar”
50. Neneh Cherry – “Buffalo Stance”
49. Philip Bailey (w/ Phil Collins) – “Easy Lover”
48. Yello – “Oh Yeah”
47. Pretty Poison – “Catch Me I’m Falling”
46. Georgia Satellites – “Keep Your Hands To Yourself”
45. Robbie Nevil – “C’est La Vie”
44. Wall of Voodoo – “Mexican Radio”
43. Shannon – “Let the Music Play”
42. Timbuk 3 “The Future’s So Bright, I Gotta Wear Shades”
41. Billy Vera – “At This Moment”
40. The Buggles – “Video Killed the Radio Star”
39. Matthew Wilder – “Break My Stride”
38. Bruce Willis – “Respect Yourself”
37. Lipps, Inc. – “Funkytown”
36. Weather Girls – “It’s Raining Men”
35. Tom Tom Club – “Genius of Love”
34. The Waitresses – “I Know What Boys Like”
33. John Waite – “Missing You”
32. Quarterflash – “Harden My Heart”
31. Bobby McFerrin – “Don’t Worry Be Happy”
30. The Vapors – “Turning Japanese”
29. Madness – “Our House”
28. John Parr – “St. Elmos Fire (Man In Motion)”
27. Stacey Q – “Two of Hearts”
26. Cutting Crew – “I Just Died In Your Arms”
25. Musical Youth – “Pass the Dutchie”
24. Edie Brickell & New Bohemians – “What I Am”
23. Eddy Grant – “Electric Avenue”
22. Michael Sembello – “Maniac”
21. Twisted Sister – “We’re Not Gonna Take It”
20. Rockwell – “Somebody’s Watching Me”
19. Dead or Alive – “You Spin Me Round (Like a Record)”
18. Rob Base & DJ E-Z Rock – “It Takes Two”
17. Men Without Hats – “The Safety Dance”
16. Nena – “99 Luft Balloons”
15. Devo – “Whip It”
14. Big Country – “In A Big Country”
13. Thomas Dolby – “She Blinded Me With Science”
12. Animotion – “Obsesssion”
11. Gary Numan – “Cars”
10. Frankie Goes to Hollywood – “Relax”
9. Kajagoogoo – “Too Shy”
8. Bow Wow Wow – “I Want Candy”
7. Modern English – “I Melt With You”
6. Toni Basil – “Mickey”
5. Soft Cell – “Tainted Love”
4. Tommy Tutone – “867-5309 / Jenny”
3. A-Ha – “Take On Me”
2. Flock of Seagulls – “I Ran (So Far Away)”
1. Dexys Midnight Runners – “Come on Eileen”

Except it’s not.

“Monster Mash” actually charted on the Billboard Top 40 two separate times in two separate years. With eleven years between the hits.

The first time is 1962 when the novelty song was first released and “Monster Mash” reached #1 on the Billboard Top 40. Listeners lapped up the Boris Karloff and Bela Lugosi references and the song became a graveyard smash.

Hear: More one-hit wonder novelty songs

Read: More Billboard number one songs

Eleven years later, Pickett re-released the same mix as the 1962 version and “Monster Mash” climbed yet again to #10 on the Billboard Top 40.

Listen to Monster Mash by Bobby Boris Pickett

That’s two trips up the Billboard Top 40 with the same song. Not many artists can make that claim.

And though I’m saying that “Monster Mash” is not a one-hit wonder, it’s not because “Monster Mash” is a two-time charting hit. No, it’s because in 1962, Pickett and The Cyrpt-Kickers charted with their blatant rip-off of “Monster Mash” with “Monster’s Holiday.” A holiday hit that is largely forgotten today.

Listen to Monster’s Holiday by Bobby Boris Pickett

But “Monster Mash” lives on every Halloween season, perhaps becoming the mother of all novelty songs in the process. It was the first single I ever owned and I love it as much today as I did as a kid. What kid doesn’t love “Monster Mash?”

As for Bobby Boris Pickett, he went on to a life of novelty hits and middling fame and died in 2007. But he is fondly remembered for his one big hit that Americans have turned into the Halloween national anthem.

Rest in peace, Bobby.

Buy Monster Mash by Bobby Boris Pickett

“Smoke on the Water” shot to Number 4 in 1973 (I was eleven then and thought it was the greatest song ever written; nearly 40 years later I still love it), but by 1974, Deep Purple had both a new bassist and singer, who took the band in a more R&B-influenced direction.

Less than thrilled at this new direction, guitarist Ritchie Blackmore quit Deep Purple, teamed up with a band called Elf and changed their name to Rainbow.

In 1975, Rainbow’s debut album was released, but the record had barely been placed in its jacket when Blackmore booted everybody out except the singer, a young man named Ronnie James Dio. Thus began a rock biographer’s nightmare as Rainbow was one of those bands that featured a new line-up for every album, with Blackmore the only constant.

By 1979, Dio had joined Black Sabbath, and after one album with Graham Bonnett, Joe Lynn Turner became Rainbow’s permanent singer.

The group moved in a more pop direction and in 1982 notched their only Top 40 hit with “Stone Cold,” a song that sounded so much like Foreigner, many people mistakenly assumed Foreigner had a new hit song.

“Stone Cold” peaked at Number 40 for one week; you literally can’t have a worse performance on the Top 40, but it still qualifies Rainbow as a one-hit wonder.

Listen to Stone Cold by Rainbow

My fondest memory of this song goes back to 1982, late one evening driving home from a performance with our bar band Ariel. The AM-only car radio was tuned to one of Kauai’s local radio stations, where a DJ named “Jammin’ Jason” played music otherwise never heard on AM, such as AC/DC and Ozzy Osbourne. I was driving past the hotels in Poipu, “Jammin’ Jason” was playing “Stone Cold” and in the eastern sky, the planet Jupiter shone like an airplane landing light outside the windshield. Suddenly, a brilliant meteor (“shooting star”) slashed across the sky, actually passing directly in front of Jupiter and as bright as the planet, if not brighter! A gorgeous sight, one never to be forgotten.

Sadly, “Stone Cold” is generally forgotten by nearly everyone except Rainbow fans.

Buy Stone Cold by Rainbow

Why was MTV a she? She had to be. How else could you explain the David Bowie, Duran Duran, Cultural Club and Adam Ant videos she would soon unleash on our impressionable minds? No self-respecting Molly Hatchett or Van Halen fan wanted to watch that stuff.

Besides introducing us to new romantic bands from England, MTV was our gateway drug to bizarrely new and unexpected sounds like Toni Basil’s cheerleader- driven “Mickey” and today’s novelty song, “Pass the Dutchie” by Musical Youth.

What was this song? Youth meets reggae on the shores of the Thames River? Whose brilliant idea was this?

“Pass the Dutchie’ on the left-hand side’”

“How does it feel when you’ve got no food.”

Who writes this stuff?

The deeper hidden meaning was debated daily by a small group of friends who were convinced we could unlock some deeper insight into reggae music or British pop music or black kids who wore berets and played oversized instruments and passed dutchies to their left but never to the right.

The riddle would all be revealed if we simply watched more MTV. So we did.

Eventually “Pass the Dutchie” reached #10 on the Billboard Top 40 in 1982, making Musical Youth a one-hit wonder and leaving a pop-cultural mark that persists today.

Listen to Pass the Dutchie by Musical Youth

If you don’t believe me, just ask anyone who was a teenager in the early 1980s to pass the dutchie. They will be happy to pass it to your left-hand side.

Super-stardom passed Musical Youth by and the band never again reached the pop charts. But they left their mark.

As for me and my friends, we never figured out what exactly “Pass the Dutchie” meant while we were kids (it’s a sanitized allusion to weed). And I still love the song today.

Buy Pass the Dutchie by Musical Youth

The seed for this article was sown during an overnight trip I took recently, and as I pulled out of the motel driveway for home, this song, which I hadn’t heard in years, came over the car radio. “THERE’s a classic one-hit wonder,” I said, and I e-mailed Michael about it when I got home. He suggested I write the article instead, so without further ado, let’s celebrate “Oh Babe What Would You Say” by Norman “Hurricane” Smith.

Bad-film fans love nothing more than to laugh at the disasters Hollywood keeps shoving onto the screen. Every year brings a new crop of unintentionally hilarious movies that offer stupid dialogue, cheesy special effects, inane plot twists and horrible “acting” that leave audiences wondering how a film studio can waste so much time and money making such utter garbage.

Hurricane Smith’s “Oh Babe What Would You Say?” is the 45-rpm counterpart to one of those movies: so flat-out awful it’s good. Perhaps a candidate for our list of worst one-hit wonders perhaps?

Listen to Oh Babe What Would You Say by Hurricane Smith

What makes it more bizarre is that Norman Smith engineered and produced early albums by The Beatles and Pink Floyd before changing his name to Hurricane Smith and becoming a recording artist. So the man had legitimate rock ‘n’ roll credentials, none of which are evident on this tune.

My guess is that the hokey-jokey “Oh Babe What Would You Say?” was supposed to be a revival of old-timey British dance-hall music. (OK, whatever.)

Instead, the over-enthusiastic ham-fisted strings, flat, off-key vocals and saxophone playing that sounds like somebody raping a goose turn this song into an unintentional howl. With all the subtlety of a Category 3 hurricane, “Oh Babe What Would You Say?” stormed up the Hot 100 and into our unwilling heads, peaking at Number 3 on the Billboard charts and making Hurricane Smith a one-hit wonder and proving that the pop chart can be one of the goofiest places on the planet along with Area 51 and Washington, DC.

Listen: Hear more of the worst one-hit wonders ever

Smith never again reached the Billboard Top 40. But he continued recording and in 2004 released a new CD titled From Me To You that featured updated recordings of his biggest hits including “Don’t Let It Die” and “Oh Babe, What Would You Say?” Remarkably, members of Pink Floyd and Sir Paul McCartney all penned messages within the liner notes.

Hurricane Smith died in 2008 in East Sussex, England. He was 85 years old.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to go crank up some vintage Black Sabbath and get this silly Hurricane Smith song out of my head.

Buy Oh Babe What Would You Say by Hurricane Smith